This Sunday’s holiday compels me to dedicate this week’s Inspiration to reflecting on what I consider the greatest achievement of my life – fatherhood.
There are two maxims–or two sides of one maxim–that make a very important point about fatherhood in general: “It’s a wise father who knows his own child, and a wise child who knows his own father.”
As babies, we begin with the assumption that father knows everything; as teenagers we are apt to lean more to the theory that father knows nothing; as adults we finally come to the point where we know our father, what makes him tick, how much he means to us–and how much he has put in and had to put up with in the process of embracing the role of Father.
Children find it easy to excuse their own mistakes because every step in life is still new to them. But fathering is also an experience where every step as their children are growing up is likewise a new one for good old Dad. In a family relationship, part of what makes it memorable is the process of learning together–the joy of a father suddenly realizing that somehow or other he has helped to bring up somebody of whom he can be proud and admire and who, reciprocally, is proud of and admires him.
Fatherhood is basically a long endeavor to help transform a dependent into an independent. It is a constant and steady struggle to keep the next generation from making the last generation’s mistakes and to change the generation gap into a generation bond. I have been fortunate to be a veteran of that effort, although I must admit that often I stumbled in my attempt to be the best father that I could be. Nevertheless, I can now look back and congratulate myself as I witness the fruit of my effort–two wonderful sons who have grown into admirable adults. I must pause to confess that my role was secondary to that of my lovely wife. She did the heavy lifting. However, we celebrated her on her day last month. This Sunday, however subordinate to Mom our parenting role may have been, is our day!
The Crosby, Stills and Nash song implores the children to “teach your parents well.” In contemplating our continual capacity to improve, all of us remain children. Those of us who are fortunate enough to become parents and grandparents have the happy opportunity this Sunday to salute or be saluted by another generation for our role as fathers. Some of us may be remembered as chips off the old block while some of us, for better or worse, may be regarded more as splinters. Chip or splinter, however you define yourself or are defined by others, this Sunday, all of us should in some fashion join in saluting those, past and present, who chose fatherhood as their true life career. It is the one choice that, upon our final retirement, all of us can reflect back and unequivocally say, “That was a DAD-gummed good idea!”
A father is neither an anchor to hold us back nor a sail to take us there, but a guiding light whose love shows us the way. – Unknown
Have an AWE-full Father’s Day Weekend!
William “Bill” Bacque