With Father’s Day coming up this Sunday, I can’t help but expound on what I believe is the greatest achievement of my life – fatherhood. As I have lamented before, it seems that we have holidays for everything and every occasion–from Ground Hog Day to Columbus Day–virtually every day, we seem to honor or celebrate something. In keeping with that propensity, on June 16th we will publicly honor our fathers.
I certainly don’t want to denigrate that holiday, but in reality, we don’t need a special day to do publicly what most of us do in our hearts all year long. However, to the extent that Father’s Day affords us the opportunity to celebrate and reflect on the blessings and riches that accrue from fatherhood, it is a wonderful holiday!
There are two maxims–or two sides of one maxim–that make a very important point about fatherhood in general: It’s a wise father who knows his own child, and a wise child who knows his own father. As babies, we begin with the assumption that father knows everything; as teenagers we are apt to lean more to the theory that father knows nothing; as adults we finally come to the point where we know our father, what makes him tick, how much he means to us–and how much he has put in and put up with in the process of our growing up.
Kids find it easy to excuse their own mistakes because every next step in life is still new to them. But fathering is also an experience where every step as the children are growing up is also a new one for good old Dad. In a family relationship, part of what makes it memorable is the process of learning together–the joy of a father suddenly realizing that somehow or other he has helped to bring up somebody of whom he can be proud and even admire–and who is proud of and concerned about him.
Fatherhood is basically a long battle to make a dependent independent. It is a constant and steady struggle to keep the next generation from making the last generation’s mistakes and to change the generation gap into a generation bond. I have been fortunate to be a soldier in that battle, although I must admit that often I have failed to be a good one. Nevertheless, I can now look back and happily salute myself as a winner–I hesitate to use the word survivor because the process of fatherhood, while often trying, is not fatal.
One of my favorite Crosby, Stills and Nash songs implores children to “teach your parents well” and to never “ask them why, cause if they told you, you would cry, so just look at them and sigh, and know they love you.” All of us begin as children, but most of us evolve, in our time into parents and then grandparents. Some of us are chips off the old block and some of us are regarded more as splinters. Regardless, all of us can join in saluting fatherhood. It is the one job that, upon retirement, most all of us can reflect back and unequivocally say, “That was a DAD-gummed good idea!”
God took the strength of a mountain,
The majesty of a tree,
A warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle’s flight,
The joy of a morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of a family need,
Then God combined these qualities,
When there was nothing left to add,
He knew his masterpiece was complete,
And so, He called it … Dad. – Author unknown
Have an AWE-full weekend and Father’s Day!
William “Bill” Bacque