In his book Peter Pan, author J. M. Barrie wrote, “The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it.” But, all pilots know that sometimes it’s easier to fly than others. Clear brilliant skies make for easier flights than when the weather is fraught with dark and turbulent clouds. The same is true in life.
I surmise that all of us at some time or another grapple with a sense of our powerlessness and, as such, we doubt our capabilities. Whether caused by events or pressures or our own conduct, there are times when we feel engulfed in the darkness of seemingly insurmountable trials and tribulations such that our heretofore intractable courage and fortitude seems to shrink or even disappear. Fortunately, for most of us, such instances are rare and fleeting, because being in a state of chronic powerlessness can eat away at the very core of a person. I witnessed that this past week with the tragic and untimely passing of a long-time friend.
In his poem, Invictus, William Ernest Henley penned the memorable line, “It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.” Sometimes the confidence that that line imbues is hard to embrace, especially when we are faced with monumental challenges that are beyond our control. So it was with me this week. In attempting to understand this senseless loss, I found myself in a deep funk pondering how powerless we may seem to be. What helped to set my mind aright was two seemingly chance encounters. The first was when I inadvertently stumbled onto the following passage from the science fiction book Pawn authored by Aimee Carter:
“Have you ever played chess, Kitty?”
I eyed her. What did a board game have to do with this?
“Not really.”
“You and I should play sometime. I think you would like it,” she said.
“It’s a game of strategy, mostly. The strong pieces are in the back row, while the weak pieces—the pawns—are all in the front, ready to take the brunt of the attack. Because of their limited movement and vulnerability, most people underestimate them and only use them to protect the more powerful pieces. But when I play, I protect my pawns.”
“Why?” I said, not entirely sure where this conversation was going. “If they’re weak, then what’s the point?”
“They may be weak when the game begins, but their potential is remarkable. Most of the time, they’ll be taken by the other side and held captive until the end of the game. But if you’re careful—if you keep your eyes open and pay attention to what your opponent is doing, if you protect your pawns and they reach the other side of the board, do you know what happens then?”
I shook my head, and she smiled.
“Your pawn becomes a queen.” She touched my cheek, her fingers cold as ice. “Because they kept moving forward and triumphed against impossible odds, they become the most powerful piece in the game. Never forget that, all right? Never forget the potential one solitary pawn has to change the entire game.”
Then, within the span of an hour, while thumbing through a book called A Treasury of the Familiar which I often turn to when in need of uplifting, a sheet of folded paper fell out and floated to the floor. I picked it up and opened it. There, written in my own hand, was the following untitled, unattributed story most certainly copied and stored by me at some unknown time and then forgotten:
A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill. In the room of 200, he asked. “Who would like this $20 bill?”
Hands started going up. He said, “I am going to give this $20 to one of you – but first, let me do this.”
He proceeded to crumple the 20 dollar note up. He then asked. “Who still wants it?” Still the hands were up in the air.
“Well,” he replied, “what if I do this?” He dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. “Now, who still wants it?”
Still the hands went into the air.
“My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20.
Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless; but no matter what happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value.
Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who love you. The worth of our lives comes, not in what we do or who we know, but by…WHO WE ARE.
You are special – don’t ever forget it.
I am not a big believer in random coincidence. As previously mentioned, while in the midst of a malaise, I was questioning the veracity of the proposition that we truly are the captains of our destiny. Then, in what I am now convinced was anything but a random event, a greater power interceded and, through two simple stories, provided me with both solace and answers.
We are not rudderless ships drifting aimlessly in this sea of life. We do play an important role in charting our life course and in steering ourselves safely through the storms we inevitably encounter.
Although we are powerful—very powerful—we are not the captain of our destiny, nor are we the greatest arbiter in the shaping our lives. Another, armed with power as soft as a flutter of a page falling from a book or as commanding as being the force behind the creation of our celestial universe, hand-in-hand with us, guides our rudder. So, while we are not mere spectators who play no role in our fate, we can remain confident of our ability to face and endure any weather knowing God is our Captain.
I suppose one could describe us as His pawns, but, if that be so, then truly we are His powerful pawns.
And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Have an awe-full weekend!
William J. “Bill” Bacqué