There is an African folk tale of a young man and a woman who fell in love and ultimately solemnized their commitment to each other and become husband and wife. As is the case with most newlyweds, for a short while they were perfectly happy, but as is also commonly the case, after a few years trouble entered their house. They began to find fault with each other over little things – he blamed her for spending too much, or she criticized him for always coming home late from work and not paying enough attention to her needs and wants. At this point, it seemed not a day would pass without some kind of quarrel about money or friends or household chores. Sometimes they grew so angry they heatedly shouted at each other or, even worse, froze each other out by an icy silence that would last for days.
During one of these now commonly occurring episodes, when she felt that she could stand it no longer, the young wife visited a wise old judge to ask for a divorce.
“Why?” asked the judge. “You’ve been married but a short time. Don’t you love your husband?
“Yes, I am confident that we both love each other. But it’s just not working out.”
“We fight a lot. He does things that bother me. He leaves his clothes lying around the house. He drops his toenails on the floor. He stays out too late. When I want to do one thing, he wants to do another. Despite our mutual love, it seems we just cannot live together.”
“I see,” replied the old man. “Perhaps I can help you. I know of a magic medicine that will make the two of you get along much better. If I give it to you, will you put aside these thoughts of divorce?”
“Yes!” cried the woman. “Oh please sir, give it to me.”
“Wait,” answered the judge. “To make the medicine, I must have a single hair from the tail of the fierce lion that lives down by the river. You must secure and bring that hair to me.”
“But how can I possibly get such a hair?” cried the woman. “Surely the lion will attack me and I shall perish in a most gruesome and painful manner.”
“There I cannot help you,” the old man replied shaking his head. “I know much about making medicines, but I know little of lions. Despite the risks, you must discover a way yourself. If you wish this marriage to last, can and will you commit to doing it?”
The young wife thought long and hard. She truly did love her husband and she believe that the magic medicine that the wise judge promised to concoct might just save their marriage. Finally, she resolved that she would acquire the lion’s hair, no matter what the potential peril or consequence.
Early the very next morning she walked down to the river, hid behind some rocks, and waited. After a short while, the lion walked by to get his morning drink. The young wife trembled as she observed his massive claws, and she froze with fear and nearly fainted when he bared his sharp fangs. Finally, when, after drinking his fill, he reared his head and gave a mighty roar, she lost all her courage and commitment and ran home.
But the next morning her resolve returned and she once again journeyed to the river. This time she brought with her a sack filled with fresh meat. She set the food on the ground some distance away from her hiding place behind the rocks. A short time later, the lion appeared. He quickly caught scent of the meat and began to devour it as the wife watched from her safe and hidden perch.
The next day, she repeated the process except this time she placed the meat about half the distance closer to her hiding place than where she had placed it on the previous day and watched as the lion gulped it down. The following morning, she placed the meat even closer.
And so every day the distance between where she hid and where the lion ate became shorter and shorted. Ultimately, she stood near enough to throw him the food, and finally came the day when she fed him right from her hand! She still trembled as she watched the great teeth ripping and tearing the meat, but over the days of confronting the lion, she came to realize that she actually loved her husband and feared the loss of her soul mate more than she feared the lion. So, closing her eyes, she reached out and pulled a single hair from his tail.
Then she ran as fast as she could to the wise old judge’s chamber.
“Look!” she cried. “I’ve brought you the hair from the lion’s tail!”
The old man took the hair and observed it closely.
“This is a brave thing you’ve done,” he said. “It obviously took a great deal of patience and resolve on your part to accomplish such a feat.”
“Yes,” replied the young woman. “Now, please give me the medicine to make my marriage better.”
The old man shook his head.
“I have nothing else to give you.”
“But you promised!” the young wife replied.
“Don’t you see?” the old man gently asked. “I have already given you all the medicine you need. You were determined to do whatever it took, however long it took, to gain a magic remedy for your problems. But there is no magic remedy. There is only your determination. You say you and your husband love each other. If you both give your marriage the same patience, resolve, courage and determined commitment you showed in getting this hair, you will inevitably be happy and fruitful together in fulfillment of the vows you mutually pledged to each other on that wonderful occasion when you both committed to love, honor and cherish each other until death do you part. Think about it.”
If we ponder the application of the disciplines contained in the “magic medicine” to any aspect of our lives, it should become clear that without patient and determined commitment, we cannot have depth in anything, whether it’s a relationship, a business or even a hobby.
But, the focus of today’s story is on relationships. It is also where my heart is.
August 11, 1973 was a fairly uneventful day in history, but I will always note it as the most important and impactful day of my life. It is the day that a 21 and 22 year old couple exchanged that age old commitment to love, honor and cherish one another from that point forward, parting only upon the departure of their mortal lives. This Monday will mark the 41st anniversary of the commencement of that patient and determined commitment.
The tapestry of life that we’ve woven together over that time might, with the sharp yet impatient eyes of youth, reveal the imperfect flaws common to all relationships. But, with the passage of time, committed eyes become less set on the minutia and wisdom entices the bearers of those seasoned eyes to step back a few paces such that together they can view the entire sum of our mutual creation – a truly magnificent masterpiece!
“To say that one waits a lifetime for his soul mate to come around is a paradox. People eventually get sick of waiting, take a chance on someone, and by the art of commitment become soul mates, which takes a lifetime to perfect.” – Chriss Jami
Happy anniversary, my love.
Have an AWE-full Weekend!
William J. “Bill” Bacqué