Sometimes profound things can be hidden in the most trivial of places. Watching the television show Project Runway this past week provided one of those instances. One of the designer contestants uttered the following just prior to sending his fashion designs down for the runway competition: “It’s not hard to believe in yourself, but it is very hard to be judged on that belief.”
I know that in my life there have been numerous times when I have allowed my worry about being judged to hold myself back from being my most creative and original self. It was not for lack of belief that my cause, purpose, or position was righteous, rather, it was my fear of how I might be perceived by others that blocked me from following the path that I truly believed in. The result of this reluctance on my part was invariably lost opportunity in either my business, personal or spiritual life.
Although clearly there are those whose reticence to act is directly related to their lack of belief in themselves, I think most of us do possess an adequate inner-belief that we are good, if not in all things, certainly in some. Yet, often our fear that others may see us negatively holds us back. This fear is akin to our singing in the shower and loving the way we sound, but shuddering at the idea of stepping onto a stage in front of hundreds of people and belting out a blue’s tune. We are more comfortable with our ability to satisfy ourselves simply because we know that we can influence favorably the one judging us. It is when we have to transfer the valuation of our belief in ourselves to others that we can become like the proverbial deer caught in the headlights.
As the great poet Emerson put it, “Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.”
Human beings are social animals, so it’s normal to want to be accepted and approved of by other people. However, we need to increase our courage quotient when we find ourselves putting too much importance on other’s opinions of us such that we hold ourselves back from being as good as we can be. Behavioral psychologists have noted that that the fear of loss is a greater motivator than the opportunity to gain. That may be, but to the extent that our fear of loss holds us back from our potential to be good, we must fight it.
The Greek Stoic philosopher, Epictetus wrote in the first century A. D. the following advice on how to overcome our fear of the judgment of others:
“There are things which are within your power, and there are things beyond your power. Within your power are opinion, aim, desire, aversion; in a word, whatever affairs are your own. Beyond your power are body, property, reputation, office; in a word, affairs not properly your own. Concern yourself only with what is within your power.
The essence of good consists of things within your own power; with them there is no room for envy or emulation. For your part, do not desire to be a general, or a senator or a consul, but to be free; and the only way to do this is a disregard of things which do not lie within your own power.”
Remember, courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. And when you find yourself holding back from externalizing your inner goodness in any aspect of your life, may these words encouragement spoken by Pope John XXIII inspire you to be courageous in breaking any chains that bind you from releasing the infinite goodness that lies within you: “Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do.”
“The courage of life is often a less dramatic spectacle than the courage of a final moment, but it is no less than a magnificent mixture of triumph and tragedy. People do what they must – in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures – and that is the basis of all human morality.” – John F. Kennedy
Have an Awe-full weekend!
William J. “Bill” Bacque