I’ve heard it said that in a time when nothing is more certain than change, the commitment of two people to one another has become difficult and rare. Yet, by its scarcity, the beauty and value of this exchange has only been enhanced.
Stephanie and I began our rare, difficult, beautiful, and valuable romance when we were both mere sixteen-year-olds. That was how old we were when we had our first date. And, for over five decades we have, through equally tumultuous and joyous times, grown up as individuals and together as a couple. Mark Twain said that “Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.” I guess we’re a bit slow because our quest for perfection is still a work in progress. Yet, while our canvas is not complete, it shows all the signs of a masterpiece.
Symbiosis is defined as the process by which two organisms live together, usually to their mutual benefit. While scientifically, this applies to organisms of different species, metaphorically it can be descriptive of our human quest for love and companionship. I believe the spiritual core of our being creates in each of us an innate desire to become a part of something larger and more profound than our mere selves. This is what drives us to God and to each other, and what fuels that drive is love.
St. Paul so accurately described what love is in First Corinthians that it is not surprising that this is the most widely selected reading used for wedding ceremonies:
If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now, we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
What may contribute most to the fragility of lasting relationships today is a compete misunderstanding of what really constitutes love. While, during our forty plus years together, Stephanie and I certainly endured disconnections and disruptions, neither of us lost sight of the inexorable truth that our sum together was much greater than our parts separated. Together we have amassed treasures beyond calculation; our wonderful children and exceptional grandchild. Our adventures through the years, both together and with others we love, are epic and legendary. Unquestionably, the price of admission has been well worth the show. And, remarkably, we aren’t nearly done!
I am happy to attest that my symbiotic life with Stephanie has produced a magical harvest. As noted in Chapter 31 of Proverbs:
An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil all the days of her life…
Her children rise up and bless her; her husband also, and he praises her, saying:
“Many are the women of proven worth, but you have excelled them all.”
Charm is deceptive and beauty fleeting; the woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Have an awe-full weekend!
William “Bill” Bacque