It’s as interesting as it is sad, but as I rapidly approach my 72nd birthday my thoughts about the new year are more reflective than resolute. Reflecting on that statement, I think that it sounds more negative than it really is. I think reflection can be very inspirational and one of the keys to a contented life. My graying remembrances this week brought me back to a story I first discovered and shared over a decade ago. It’s a popular tale, having made it around our social network world in several versions over the years. Still, I found it refreshingly invigorating when considering the unknown wonders that will inevitably emerge in this new year.
Our story features a 92-year-old who is described as being a petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully and impeccably dressed each morning by eight o’clock, with his hair fashionably combed, his face closely and perfectly shaved, even though he is legally blind. Recently widowed after seventy years of marriage and with no one to care for him, on this particular day he is moving into a nursing home.
After sitting in the lobby of the home for several hours, he is finally met by the staff person who will show him to his room. Despite his enduring such a long wait, when she introduces herself, he responds with a sweet and kindly smile. As she helps him get up from the chair and into his walker for the trek to his room, she begins to describe it. “I love it!” he replies with the same exuberance a child might have when presented with a new puppy.
Somewhat taken aback, the staff person responds, “Mr. Jones, you haven’t even seen the room yet; perhaps you should wait to actually see and experience it, lest your expectations be tempered by reality.”
“Seeing it doesn’t have anything to do with it,” he responds. “Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn’t depend on how the furniture is arranged…it’s how I arrange my mind. I’ve already decided I love it. It is a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with all the parts of my body that no longer work or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.”
He then added this simple, yet profound, observation about being happy; “Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes are open, I’ll focus on the new day and all of the happy memories I’ve stored away over the many years I have been blessed with new days. Old age is like a bank account; you withdraw from what you’ve put into it. So, what I’ve learned over these many years, not without a stumble now and again, to be really rich, one needs to deposit a lot of happiness into your bank account of memories. And you never stop. I’m still depositing.”
There are quite a lot of life gurus who preach that we can find happiness if we just live in the moment. While I don’t discount that mantra completely, since carrying around the baggage of miseries from the past can certainly impair the realization of the happiness that may be present in the moment. But what if the moment happens to be lousy? Life isn’t always a bowl of cherries. There are many people who face and endure very trying times. Sometimes there may seem to be overwhelming barriers to feeling happiness in the current moment. That is where the “perspective” aspect of the subject line of this week’s Inspiration comes into play. As our wise old character advises, “one needs to deposit a lot of happiness into your bank account of memories.” This storage of treasured memories can then be drawn upon whenever our current “moment” holds unhappiness. At these times we place our stored happiness moments on one side of our judgment scale with the unhappy moment on the other. If our happiness bank account is rich, then shouldn’t those memories outweigh the present moment? They should, and that is why I believe that perspective is integral to happiness. Perspective allows you to look at things as a part of a whole as opposed to singularly.
Our ability to prioritize also helps us in choosing between happiness or unhappiness. If we only focus on one feeling at a time, how can we feel anything but that feeling? Again, if the feeling is complete and brings happiness, then perhaps focus is all that we need. However, quite often life provides us with more than one set of feelings or circumstances. If we focus on what hassles are in our life, we may well be justified in feeling miserable, but if we focus on the good things that are or have been in our life, then we can choose which we will embrace. Given the choice, most of us will choose happiness over unhappiness. We don’t because we are too focused on the negative to even consider the positive. Prioritization presupposes choices and selection.
Lastly, happiness comes down to choice. As the old sage of our story says, “Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time.” Unfortunately, quite often, so is sorrow and depression.
As with Charlie Brown in the cartoon, we all decide how we are going to posture ourselves in our lives. Decide to walk with your head down and you’re welcoming misery and depression. Walk straight with your head held high and you’re more apt to notice the brightness that permeates your life. Posture influences how you feel.
I certainly do not want to come off here as being “preachy.” I, like most of us, struggle with choosing to be happy. However, none of us can argue that the struggle isn’t worth it.
If you search the world for happiness, you may find it in the end, for the world is round and will lead you back to your door. ~Robert Brault
Have an AWE-full Weekend!
William “Bill” Bacque