This past weekend I attended the beautiful wedding of my niece, Emily Katherine Bacqué and Joseph Vincente Da Silva. The ceremony took place in the chapel of the nearly 200 year old Academy of the Sacred Heart in Grand Coteau, Louisiana where Emily attended school in her youth. Her husband, Joe, is an officer in the United States Army which enhanced the beauty of the ceremony by his appearing in his dress uniform accompanied by a group of his invited comrades who brandished a closing sabre salute for the new bride and groom. It was a truly a visually spectacular event.
During his sermon, co-celebrant Fr. Steve Leblanc spoke about the creation of us and our world as described in the Book of Genesis seizing on the passages wherein, after creating each component, night and day, water, land, sky, vegetation, living creatures, and finally man and woman, “God looked at everything he had made, and he found it very good.” The interesting and important thing about the Bible’s descriptive words in this passage, commented Fr. Leblanc, was that God described his creation, including us, as “good” not “perfect.”
Fr. Steve then continued on, speaking directly to the bride and groom. “Joe,” he said, “you have chosen a beautiful bride who you obviously love very much. During the period of your romance, certainly you have learned so many things about Emily that filled your heart for she is most certainly a good woman. But, she’s not perfect.” Likewise, speaking to Emily, Fr. Steve repeated all of the wonderful qualities that Joe possesses that invariably led to Emily’s commitment to marry him. “But, you know he’s not perfect,” Father said. The couple’s reaction, each nodding affirmatively and smiling respectively, emitted subtle but quite discernable chuckles from the gathered congregation.
The second reading at the ceremony was from St. Paul’s letter to the Corinthians. It is very commonly cited when marriage vows are exchanged:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
Fr. Leblanc tied his “good not perfect” theme together with St. Paul’s passage by commenting that the first quality mentioned in Paul’s attributes of love is that it is patient. When the balm of patience is liberally applied in any relationship, good becomes as close to that unattainable perfection as can be achieved as worldly beings.
The day after the wedding, my thoughts were still immersed in that lovely event. As I reflected on the sermon, I inexplicably conjured up a memory from the great 1997 movie, As Good As It Gets, starring Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt. I’m sure most of you remember the storyline: Melvin Udall, played by Jack Nicholson, is an obsessive-compulsive neurotic writer of romantic fiction who’s rude and insensitive to everyone he meets, including his gay neighbor Simon. But when he has to look after Simon’s dog after Simon is injured, Melvin begins to soften and, if still not completely over his problems, finds himself stumbling through a romantic relationship with a waitress, named Carol, played by Helen Hunt, who is the only one at the local diner who’ll serve him.
There’s a famous scene in the film where Melvin meets Carol for a date at a nice restaurant. As a dressed-up Melvin meets her at the bar, Carol comments on how great he looks. She’s looking for a reciprocal compliment, but, although he is pleased with her compliment, Melvin doesn’t grasp that it is her wish for a likewise response. Next, Carol asks Melvin if he would like to dance. He responds, “Well, I’ve been thinking about that since you brought it up before…” A smiling Carl rises from her seat, but Melvin quickly says, “No!” Visibly disappointed, Carol sits back down.
After a few uncomfortable minutes pass, they move to their dinner table and sit. Melvin, in a futile attempt to make small talk says, “I don’t get this place. They make me buy a new outfit and let you in in a house dress. I don’t get it.” Clearly offended by the oblivious Melvin’s comment, Carol once again starts getting up from the table. This time she is intent on leaving. Finally, Melvin senses that Carol is upset and begs her to not to go. “I didn’t mean it the way it sounded. You gotta sit down! I know I deserve the dirty look, so please sit down and give me it.”
Still standing, Carol answers, “Pay me a compliment, Melvin. Quick! You have no idea how much what you said hurt my feelings, so you better give me a compliment. Just so you’ll know, a compliment is when you say something nice about somebody else so give me one, now or never!”
“Okay. Okay,” Melvin retorts. Helen sits down and emphasizes her doubtfulness in his ability to comply by saying, “Why am I afraid you’re about to say something awful?”
Smiling, Melvin replies, “Don’t be so pessimistic. It’s not your style. Okay, here I go. It’s clearly a mistake. I’ve got this…what?…ailment. My doctor or shrink that I used to go to all the time says that in 50 to 60 percent of the cases, a pill really helps. I hate pills. Very dangerous thing, pills. Hate ‘em. I’m using the word ‘hate’ here about pills. Hate. My compliment is…that night you came over and told me that you would never…alright now, you were there. You know what you said. Well, my compliment to you is…the next morning I started taking the pills.”
Carol, her head shaking, her eyebrows raised, and her body squirming in the chair, replies, “I don’t get how that’s a compliment for me.”
Eyes locked on Carol, Melvin answers with this now iconic line: “You make me want to be a better man.”
Carol melts, commenting: “That’s maybe the best compliment of my life!”
No one who believes themselves to be “perfect” could have honestly spoken the words, “You make me want to be a better person.” It wouldn’t be within their comprehension. But a “good” person certainly can grasp them.
In love and in life, to attain happiness and fulfillment, we should not confuse better with perfection. Better, we can all reach for; perfection is God’s business.
“Every great painting includes hundreds of imperfect brushstrokes” – Ray White
Have an AWE-Full Weekend!
William J. “Bill” Bacqué