To My Magnificent Agents, Staff and Friends:
In 1859 Mount Vernon, the plantation home of the first President of the United States, George Washington, was acquired by the Mount Vernon Ladies Association of the Union. They purchased the mansion and a portion of the estate’s acreage from Washington’s great-nephew, John A. Washington, Jr., rescuing it from a state of disrepair and neglect and preserving the home and contents for posterity.
When inventorying the many items included in the home, a school notebook entitled “Forms of Writing” was discovered. The notebook was dated from 1745, when George Washington was fourteen years old and attending school in Fredericksburg, Virginia. Inside of the notebook, in Washington’s own hand, were written 110 “Rules of Civility in Conversation Amongst Men.” Historical research has shown that young George most likely copied them from a 1644 English translation of an even older French work.
It is remarkable that most of these rules still have great relevance in our modern world as a model for how to establish a personal code of conduct that will guide and serve you well throughout your life. The fact that such discourse is absent from today’s formal school curriculum speaks volumes about why our societal foundation seems so weak and decaying. Here are some of the rules found in Washington’s civility notebook:
- Every action in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those present.
- In the presence of others sing not to yourself with a humming voice, nor drum with your fingers or feet.
- Speak not when others speak, sit not when others stand, and walk not when others stop.
- Let your countenance be pleasant, but in serious matters somewhat grave.
- Show not yourself glad at the misfortune of another, though he were your enemy.
- They that are in dignity or office have in all places precedency, but whilst they are young, they ought to respect those that are their equals in birth or other qualities, though they have no public charge.
- When a man does all he can, though it succeeds not well, blame not him that did it.
- Being to advise or reprehend anyone, consider whether it ought to be in public or private, presently or at some other time, also in what terms to do it; and in reproving show no signs of choler, but do it with sweetness and mildness.
- Mock not or jest at anything of importance; break no jests that are sharp or biting; and if you deliver anything witty or pleasant, abstain from laughing thereat yourself.
- Wherein you reprove another be unblamable yourself, for example is more prevalent than precept.
- Use no reproachful language against anyone, neither curses nor revilings.
- Be not hasty to believe flying reports to the disparagement of anyone.
- Associate yourself with those of good quality if you esteem your own reputation, for it is better to be alone than in bad company.
- Let your conversation be without malice or envy, for it is a sign of tractable and commendable nature; and in all causes of passion admit reason to govern.
- Speak not injurious words, neither in jest nor earnest. Scoff at none, although they give occasion.
- Be not forward, but friendly and courteous, the first to salute, hear and answer, and be not pensive when it is time to converse.
- Detract not from others, but neither be excessive in commending.
- Go not thither where you know not whether you shall be welcome or not. Give not advice without being asked; and when desired, do it briefly.
- If two contend together, take not part of either unconstrained, and be not obstinate in your opinions; in things indifferent be on the major side.
- Reprehend not the imperfection of others, for that belongs to parents, masters, and superiors.
- Gaze not on the marks or blemishes of others, and ask not how they came. What you may speak in secret to your friend deliver not before others.
- When another speaks, be attentive yourself, and disturb not the audience. If any hesitate in their words, help him not, nor prompt him without being desired; interrupt him not, nor answer him till his speech be ended.
- Think before you speak; pronounce not imperfectly, nor bring out your words too hastily, but orderly and distinctly.
- Be not apt to relate news if you know not the truth thereof. In discoursing of things you have heard, name not your author always. A secret discover not.
- Be not curious to know the affairs of others, neither approach to those that speak in private.
- Undertake not what you cannot perform; but be careful to keep your promise.
- When you deliver a matter, do it without passion and indiscretion, however mean the person may be you do it to.
- In disputes be not so desirous to overcome as not to give liberty to each one to deliver his opinion, and submit to the judgment of the major part, especially if they are judges of the dispute.
- Speak no evil of the absent, for it is unjust.
- When you speak of God or his attributes, let it be seriously, in reverence and honor, and obey your natural parents.
- Let your recreations be manful, not sinful.
- Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience.
Civility simply means to conduct oneself in a civilized manner; to be courteous and polite. It should not be viewed or embraced today as either a lost art or irrelevant. Our forefathers founded this country on the premise that individuals should be given complete liberty from totalitarian oppression. However, none advocated that such liberty would negate individual responsibility, foremost being that we all should aspire to decency. They believed in, and practiced civility toward one another. They admired and emulated ethical behavior because it was the standard and the foundation upon which their upbringing was based. They applied a rigid standard of morality to their lives; and if, periodically, they failed as surely we all do they adjusted their lives, not their standard nor their foundation.
As we approach our 235th July 4th celebration, let us all be mindful that our wonderful country and it’s greatness is the collective product of exceptional individuals who understood that while liberty endows us with the right to choose, freedom is the result of our making the right choice.
“Who then is free? The one who wisely is lord of themselves, who neither poverty, death or captivity terrify, who is strong to resist his appetites and shun honors, and is complete in themselves smooth and round like a globe.” – Horace
Have an AWE-full weekend!
Bill