With Mother’s Day just behind us and Father’s Day still a few weeks away, my thoughts and actions this week are still centered on family. Tis the season.
May not only ushers in the full palate of Spring colors, but it also leaves to allow June to offer us summer’s seemingly endless family-centric possibilities. With each new school recital, award program, and graduating ceremony, the air is electric with our kid’s and grandkid’s anticipation of what’s ahead. For us, next week we’re off to the beach.
Part of my pre-departure preparations was to examine my calendar to see what important dates might occur while we are at the beach because I wasn’t planning on posting any Inspiration during that time. But, if there was a something upcoming that was worthy of our collective reflection, perhaps it should not be ignored, but moved up to this week. Glancing at my calendar, it jumped out that on May 29th we observe Memorial Day honoring and mourning the United States military personnel who have died while serving in our armed forces.
Thinking of that date being sandwiched in between Mother’s and Father’s Day, the true cost of their loss becomes even more apparent. I immediately thought of what this week’s story should contain. It was one I originally shared in 2011. Actually, it isn’t a story at all. Rather, it’s a letter that was written by a Union soldier during the Civil War to his wife, Sarah. It speaks volumes about the cost of love and our willingness to pay that price.
In the movie Don Juan de Marco, there is a memorable line spoken by the star, Johnny Depp that goes like this: “There are four questions of value in life… What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same. Only love.”
This soldier’s letter resonates with the emotions of a patriot, a husband, and a father who is grappling with those questions as he prepares for his first engagement with the enemy.
To give you a little background, the letter was written by Major Sullivan Ballou. Prior to the war, he had a successful law practice and had held elective office in the Rhode Island House of Representatives. He had also served as Speaker of that body. At the outbreak of the conflict, Sullivan interrupted his promising political career to serve with the 2nd Rhode Island Volunteers. He wrote home to his wife and his infant sons from a camp near Washington one week before the First Battle of Bull Run, the first major land battle of the war.
Camp Clark, Washington
July 14, 1861
My very dear Sarah,
The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days – perhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write again, I feel impelled to write a few lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more. Our movements may be of a few days’ duration and full of pleasure – and it may be of some conflict and death to me. “Not my will, but thine, O God be done.” If it is necessary that I should fall on the battlefield for my Country, I am ready.
I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in, the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how strongly American Civilization now leans on the triumph of the Government, and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and sufferings of the Revolution. And I am willing – perfectly willing – to lay down all my joys in this life, to help maintain this Government, and to pay that debt…
Sarah, my love for you is deathless. It seems to bind me with mighty cables that nothing, but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and burns unresistibly on with all these chains to the battlefield.
The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them so long. And hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when, God willing, we might still have lived and loved together, and seen our sons grown up to honorable manhood around us. I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me – perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar – that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battlefield, it will whisper your name. Forgive my many faults, and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have often times been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness, and struggle with all the misfortunes of this world to shield you and your children from harm. But I cannot. I must watch you from the Spirit-land and hover near you, while you buffet the storm, with your precious little freight, and wait with sad patience till we meet to part no more.
But O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the gladdest days and in the darkest nights, advised to your happiest scenes and gloomiest hours, always, always, and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath; as the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by. Sarah do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again.
As for my little boys – they will grow up as I have done, and never know a father’s love and care. Little Willie is too young to remember me long, and my blue-eyed Edgar will keep my frolics with him among the deep memories of childhood. Sarah, I have unlimited confidence in your maternal care and your development of their character and feel that God will bless you in your holy work.
Tell my two Mothers I call God’s blessing upon them. O! Sarah. I wait for you there; come to me and lead thither my children.
Sullivan
A week after writing this letter, Major Sullivan Ballou was killed at Bull Run.
There’s something akin to a line of gold thread running through this man’s words to his wife and family, and that thread has stretched out over 150 years, such that all who read his letter pick up that thread and weave it into a cloth that feels like love itself and by touching that cloth, one gains a heart rendering sense of the cost that is attached to it.
In honor and remembrance of Sullivan Ballou, this coming Memorial Day look into the eyes of your spouse, your children, and grandchildren, amid all the wonderful emotions of the day, and feel a bit guilty. If love entails a willingness to sacrifice for it, then, while we may acknowledge suffering some inconveniences for our country, our husband’s, wives’, and our children’s comfort and welfare over the years, clearly, most of us have not been asked for, nor paid, anything close to the full measure of devotion willingly given by countless scores of American patriots, husbands, wives, and mothers and fathers such as Sullivan.
Amid all the appreciations we are blessed to possess, let us not forget to periodically pause for a moment and make a silent offer to share a bit of our overflowing appreciation with the likes of Sullivan Ballou.
Greater love has no one that his, that he lay down his life for his friends. – John 15:13
Have an AWE-full Weekend!
William “Bill” Bacque